growing pain

GROWING PAIN

I couldn't get relaxed. I tried cooking, listening to music, turned on the TV, had a glass of wine, none of them worked.

My 16 years old son, Brian, left home two weeks ago. We had a big fight. I couldn't believe all these years we've been bound together, taking care of each other, remaining the best, the closest friends, but it ended up with a big fight. All because I think he is too young for hooking up with some bar girl.

I put on my coat, beanie and a long scarf. I needed to get out of there just to much of Brian in the house. As I opened the door a big gust of wind blew on me.

Outside it was cold, snowing.

Before Brian left home he always cooked dinner on snowy days. Most times it was mashed potato with thick beef stew. He always said

"Mom, have one more bowl of beef stew. It will keep you warm and stop wrinkles on your face" with a cheeky smile on his face.

Since he was 13. He learned how to do if from the internet. He never missed one snowing day..

“Hi, Sara is that you?" somebody called out

"Oh, Hi." I can see a man running towards me from across the street

"Sara it is you! How are you?" I as he gets closer, closer, I figure out its Mike, he was my partner for five years

"Fine. How come you are here? I thought you moved to another State?" Very surprised to meet him after no contact for a year.

"I'm here doing a bit of business. Do you want to have a cup of coffee with me?"

I was going to say no, but what else to do, walk alone in the snow like a lost dog?

"Yes, a cup of coffee is good!" I try to cheer myself up.

As we sit down in the warm cafe Mike asks me "Sara, what's the problem?" He spoke through the steam.

"There is no problem!" I protested.

"Oh, Sara, come on. Don't forget we were together for five years. I know there is some problem." Mike said.

Yes, after Tony died Mike moved in with us. Brian was happy with him. They went out camping, fishing, played football at the local park. The three of us were happy together. Until the end of the year. Mike had been cut out from his work. He started to get emotional, started staying in the pub every night, started to come home drunk.

"Sara, how is Brian?" Mike's voice again.

"Brian. Brian..." My tears come out. Although I did try hard not to let them...

"What's happening? Sara, tell me! Where is Brian?" Mike started worrying. His voiced raised, very high.

So I told him what had happened.

Mike much relaxed now. Yes. He was even smiling.

"Don't be silly! Brian is a steady boy! He knows what he is doing. Maybe he is just curious about girls, sex, all the things boys do..."

"But the girl is a bar girl. What good will she do for Brian? Teach him to drink? Or sex? For God's sake, Brian is only 16. Honestly, I'm worrying that Brian may catch a disease from her. I know who she is. She stays at the local pub every night. She goes out with all sorts of men.

"Sara! Sara! Mike held my hands from across the table. "Calm down Sara." Mike looked into my eyes.

"Do you remember what happened a year ago? The night before I went to hospital?" Mike asked me.

Of course, how could I forget? The most violent night! I pulled my hand back.

That night Mike had been the same as was now usual for him. He'd gone out “to have a drink", that's what he'd said after dinner.

Brian and I went to bed about 10pm.

I heard a big noise from downstairs so I ran down and found Mike standing outside the front door, yelling

"Sara! Open the door!" "Sara you bitch, open the door!"

I understood Mike was drunk again. As I opened the door for him he pulled my hair and dragged me to the kitchen.

"Bitch, are you going to kick me out too? You bitch!"

"Mike, please don't hurt me! I thought you had your key with you... I didn't know you didn't take your key with you. Please Mike! Don't hurt me, Mike!"

Mike punched my face, my head.

"Make me a cup of tea! Bitch!" Mike stopped his violence and tried to sit on a chair but he was too drunk. He fell off the chair. He started swearing, broke a glass, a plate.

I was so frightened. I sat on the floor, sobbing. Mike grabbed my hair, pushed my head down, tried to push my face into the broken pieces of glass.

"Bitch! Don't you dare try to kick me out, too! You bitch..."

I was screaming “No, please! Mike, please! Please, no..."

"Let my mum go! Let my mum go!" Brian's voice.

"Oh, Brian! What? Are you going to fight with me? Come on. Let's fight man to man..." Mike left me clumsily walking over towards Brian, grabbing a knife from the bench.

Brian held his old cracked baseball bat, stood on the third stair.

"Brian, run! Please, run, he is going to kill you!"

I was so scared that Mike would stab my Brian. As a mum. I couldn't protect my boy! I was so desperate.

Bang. Bang. I heard.

I saw Mike slowly, slowly fall to the floor. Brian had hit him with the baseball bat.

"Oh, Brian. You killed him! You killed him!" After the shock I crawled over to Mike. The broken glass cut my legs. I could feel the sharp pain. But I was terrified.
Brian killed Mike! I gently tapped Mike's chest, said in a panic "Mike, wake up! Wake up! Please! Wake up please! "

Brian walked to the living room. I heard him on the phone:" Ambulance, Please!.......Number 78 William Street.............Phone number 2704......"

" Ar--------" I was screaming out as Mike pulled my hair. He had woken up. The first thing he did was pull my hair, try to bang my head on the wall.

Bang! Crack! Almost sounded at the same time.

Brian ran back, hit Mike's arm with the bat again.

"Arrh.." Mile yelled like a stuck pig. Now he had his arms together, rolling on the floor, yelling: "Arh.. You bastard! You bastard! "

The knife, we forgot the knife still lying beside him. Mike got it. He was going to stab Brian's leg.

"Brian! Knife! He's got the knife! Brian!" As I was screaming I saw the bat draw a circle in the air then hit on the back of Mike's head.

Silence.

Silence.

"Brian! You are bleeding! Oh, God!" I tried to touch Brian's bleeding leg. He took a look and said

"Don't worry! Only a scratch from the knife!"

I looked at Brian. His face was pale. His hands still held the bat very tightly.

Brian quickly gathered himself together, walked out of the door. Soon he was back, holding a rope. He bent over and started to fasten Mike's feet together.
Then he pushed him over and tied his hands to his feet. Now Mike was like a triangle, hogtied. Then Brian placed Mike on his side.

Brian came to me and said "Mum, everything is going to be ok! Now I'll help you get on the sofa. Then I'm going to call the police. Everything will be fine, trust me!"

He helped me move from the floor to the sofa. Placed a blanket on me.

I could see him on the phone. Brian. He was my son but now my son has to protect his mother. I realised how tall he was, his shape just like Tony's. Suddenly my heart, my stomach tied in a big knot. Is Mike still alive? Or dead? If he is dead my Brian might have to go to jail? No! No! What can I do? I'm too scared to check him again. I just pray in my heart "Please God, let Mike be alive."

"Mum, police will come and the ambulance will come, too. We are going to be okay. Look at you. Let me check your face. Your legs are bleeding too. Mum, stay still, I'm going to get the First Aid Kit."

"No, Brian, please don't leave me alone here." I freaked out.

"Shh. Shh. Ok. Ok. I'll stay with you." Brian held my hand. Sat on the floor.


At the police station we were questioned individually. I was finished very quickly. So I sat on a chair waiting for my Brian.

A policewoman put a cup of coffee in front of me. I tried to pick up the cup, have a drink, maybe the coffee will help me stop the nervousness.

But I spilled it.

I don't know how long I had been waiting. It seemed to me like it had been a life time. Then my Brian, my son, comes. A policeman behind him. Brian looks pale.

His sleep wear looks like it's been soaked in water. As Brian walks towards me I want to run to him, give him a hug. I couldn't. My legs weren't moving.

"Look at the mess on you ,Mum." Brian saw the spilt coffee on me.

"Let's go home Mum!" Brian placed his arm on my shoulder. I looked at the policeman. He nodded his head, said

"You have the best young lad! Mike is alive! Brian and you are clean! Go home, have a rest!"

"Sara, Sara....." Mike drags me back from the memory.

"Oh... Yes, what?"

"Do you know what happened when I was in the hospital?"

"No. What happened?"

"Brian visited me the third day. He walked in and placed an envelope on my bed and said

"Mike, thank you for the last 5 years. You loved me as a son. Thanks for all the good things. Here is $500 from my casual work and I sold my laptop. Not much. But maybe it'll help you a bit. I packed your stuff together and put it in a luggage locker in the train station. The key is inside the envelope."

He walked away. At that moment I knew I could never have him and you again. He is a calm kid. He knows what he is after."

The light in Mike's eyes got dim, dimmer.

As we sat there in silence an old man in a wheel chair came to us.

"Hi Sara, how are you darl?"

It's Peter. When I was a nurse he was hospitalist for a while" You look much older, darl." Peter, joking.

"Thank you old Peter. You can still remember me? Now you sit in that thing!" I joked back.

"Do you mind old Peter joining you?" Peter asked, his eyes looking to Mike.

"Please do. I'm Sara's friend Mike. Nice to meet you." Mike said.

As the three of us sat naturally the subject came back to my son Brian again.
Peter learned that my Brian fight, leaving.

"Sara, did I tell you, I was an idiot when I was a teenager?" Peter said.

"No. You told me you were a hero from the Vietnam War."

"Well I tell you now. I was a bad boy. I hung out with some street boys. We fought, we smuggled, we smoked marijuana, we were thieves. I was in and out of prison a few times. One day, when I got out of prison I had no money, no food, nowhere to go, all the 'friends' had disappeared. I decided to go back to Mum's place, get some food, some clothes at least. Mum's place hadn't changed much since I left. I didn't want anybody to see me so I sneaked in the back way. Inside I heard Dad complaining to Mum

"I saw the money you put in Peter's room. What's that supposed to do? He's a bastard through and through."

"Don't say that about your own boy. He's not a bastard. He is only a confused kid. He'll wake up sooner or later and will have a decent family with a couple of charming kids." I saw Mum sit on her chair beside the fire, knitting a jumper. I carefully sneaked out with the money Mum had left in my room and a bag of clothes. From that day on I never did any bad thing. Soon I found a job in a fish market. A trolley boy for 2 years. It was a hard, dirty job but I never thought to give up because my Mum believed her boy would become a decent man, would have a decent family with a couple of beautiful children. Later on I married. Had two beautiful girls. I felt it was time to show my Mum her boy did become a decent man, have a happy family. So I took my wife Amanda and my girls back to Mum's place. At the local shops I decided to buy something for Mum so I stopped in at a cake shop. Old John. Still the Old John there! As I greeted him he said to me, in surprise

"Oh, Peter? Ratbag Peter?"

"Yes, it's me. Please meet my family." I said

"Wonderful, wonderful! Your Mum is going to be overjoyed."

"I hope so. I think Dad will be happy too."

"You don't know, Peter?"

"Know what?" My heart started dropping.

"Your Dad passed away 3 years ago. Now only your Mum is living there. She came to the wool shop next door, bought some yarn yesterday. She stopped by, said she is going to knit a jumper for you. Even though you never came back home since you left she still believes you'll be back someday and you're going to need some warm clothes." Old John ignored a couple of customers and kept talking.

We get to the home. I pulled the key out from under the angel statue. We walked in. Somehow it felt cold. Too cold! I called out "Mum", "Mother! It's Peter back!" but there's no answer. The cold feeling became heavy. In the living room I saw Mum sitting on her chair with her head hanging down on one shoulder. A blanket on her knees. That was the blanket that wrapped me when I was a baby. On top of that was a half finished jumper, her hands still on the knitting needles. Yes, my Mum had gone."

Peter had forgotten to drink his coffee, left, cold, on the table.

"Excuse me. I must go, now." I jump up, drag on my coat, walk out, and leave Mike and Peter in an astounded state.

I have to go back home now. Maybe I should put some money in Brian's room too. Two weeks. Where would he get food? Where would he stay for the nights?

I can see there's a light inside my house. It's Brian? He must be back! But quickly I think, maybe I just left the light on.

I'm so nervous! I dropped the key on the step a few times before I can open the door. I can smell Beef Stew. I told myself "Calm. Calm.", put my right hand on my heart, it feels like it will jump out any second. I stamp the snow off my boots, walk in.

"Mum. Go wash you hands. When you come back dinner will be ready." Brian is placing a plate on the dining table.

"Mum, after school I'll be at Bob's shop helping out everyday. Most of the weekends I'll be working in the vege market. So I won't be home much. Are you alright with that? Brian holds his spoon in the air, near his mouth.

"Yes, sure, but don't you want to go to uni anymore?"

"Of course I do, Mum. That's why I take two jobs. Get ready for uni in finance." Brian grabs a tissue.

"Brian, you don't have to work so hard! Mum's still got some savings. I can help you with the fees." I said, very slowly, I didn't know how to break the ice.

"I know, Mum. I just want to tackle this challenge myself." Brian said, very quiet.

"Okay. What's Ella say about this?" I tried so hard not to mention that bar girl but eventually I couldn't help it.

"There is nothing to do with her. I have nothing to do with her. We come from different planets." Brian ties a knot between his eyebrows.

I can't stop the bubble inside me.

"Mum, I got some homework to do, can I leave these to you?" Brian stands up from his chair.

"Yes, yes, sure!" I said, very quickly.

"Brian?" Before he reach the stairs I call out.

"What?" Brian stands very patiently.

"I ordered a new computer. It's on special! Can you find somebody to take my old laptop? Maybe some of your classmates would be interested?"

"Yes, I'm sure someone would." Brian's lips pull up, up, that cheeky smile never changes.

I look at him, tall, slim, handsome, a cheeky smile with kindness, tolerance in it. I find he is not a little boy any more. The little boy often come to bedroom and ask: Mummy, can I sleep with you? My bed is wet."

"You wet your bed again?"

"Not me. It's 'Jumbo' did." He snuggles in between Tony and me.
"Oh. Jumbo did this time. What about last time?"

"It was ‘Mark’, the dark did it!" Brian picks up his toys.

"What about the time before that?"

No answer. When I look at him he's asleep already. His head beside Tony’s chest.

When, when did he grow up to be this young man?

Anyway, the stew never tasted better!